What kind of internet dating blog would this be if I didn’t discuss terrible profiles? There are tons of them floating around out there, and some of these men even have the nerve to message me while having garbage profiles that literally make me roll on the floor laughing and/or back away from my computer in fear, or both.
I don’t think my requirements are anything exorbitant. I want to see good, quality photos–not of the “driving” variety. We already discussed that little pet peeve. But yes. Good photos are important. Following that, I expect a well-thought out and well spoken profile, complete with proper grammar. Let’s be real–I am a well-educated, working professional, so I kind of expect the same out of my dates!
All that said, this guy–screen cap of his OKCupid profile below–had the nerve to message me. His message said, “pretty smiles make the world go round” (whatever the hell that means!). He only had one picture up, which didn’t really make him look outstanding. But the real kicker was the profile. Oh my, the profile. In all my profile reviews, it goes without saying that I will blur any photos, and any potentially identifying info out, to protect the not-so-innocent offenders. Now. Onto what we are all looking forward to–and if you click the image, you will enlarge it so you can read the text.
The things underlined in red are the most notable, hysterical things:
- i work so im not a deadbeat – O RLY? I’m not so convinced if all I have to go buy is your internet profile. Having a job does not equate with not being a deadbeat, by the way–there are tons of people who work but who don’t have their lives together.
- Im getting enrolled in school – Well, good for you, unfortunately, I am looking for someone finished with school. And judging from your grammar issues, maybe school is a good thing for you.
- My son swiss rolls – 1) At this point in my life, a man who has a child already is a dealbreaker. I don’t date men with kids. Period. I don’t need baby mama drama in my life, and if things did get more serious down the road, it’s a big fat NO THANKS to sending in half of my paycheck out for child support. No way, Jose. And…2) Swiss rolls? I have to admit, that might be one thing we have in common–minus the fact that I’d be just fine living without them.
- lyers – learn to spell, n00b. I’d say that “getting enrolled in school” should help with that.